Ed Naha had a funny column that was featured irregularly in Sci-Fi magazines like Heavy Metal in the 80’s, here he writes “… novelizations I’d like to see in my Christmas stocking this year.
E.T. … D.O.A.
By Mickey Spillane
He was short and lean and mean and green … and stuck in a clothes closet. He pressed his body again the wall. If felt good to the touch. He glanced around him. He was surrounded by dolls. Not the kind of dolls he was used to hanging around, either. These ones were stuffed with sawdust and probably wouldn’t survive a quick round of Hide the Tentacle without losing an arm or a leg, or a Made in Taiwan tag.
He strained his head to listen for the Earth woman called “Mommy” outside. He would have strained his ears but his kind didn’t have them. His kind never did. Sensing that big Mommy was gone, he flat-footed it out of the closet and across the room.
That’s when he spotted them.
They were round and shiny and chocolate.
Without thinking, he grabbed one. It felt good to his touch. Besides that, it melted in his mouth and not in his tendril.
The room began to spin around him. The shock of recognition hit him hard. He had wandered into a set left over from Poltergeist.
Off the Porch 